i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
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Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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