she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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