just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
