Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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