oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
