You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
