Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
