I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We're not piercing ourselves today.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
