That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
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We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
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I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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