We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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