Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
