WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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