I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
