sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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