i just google imaged poop.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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