im drinking this country out of the recession.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
