when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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