Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
tequila makes me forget i have legs
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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