So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I look better un-naked...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
