He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
