He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
