You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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