You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
