Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
