North Korea, Best Korea!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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