I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
you are never too drunk for berry picking
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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