Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
