i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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