On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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