Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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