if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
he wants to bone in the snuggie
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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