So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
