she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
