He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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