We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
