Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She bit a glass in half.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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