My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
