and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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