Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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