he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
