TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
