oh god the rape fog is back!
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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