Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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