Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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