Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
