Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
