You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
