so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We left the knife in your bed.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
