Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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