the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
