im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
