I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
