you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
