By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
