He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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