you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize