OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
