I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
