I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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