Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
