Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
