No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
