you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize