And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
