I've blown a few things in my day
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
