It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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