My liver just broke up with me...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
