Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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