she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
