Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
