i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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