Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
